From the life of C.A. Ludvig, author of “So you think your dad is an alien?”, “How to build a spaceship in 14 days from a cardboard box“ and “Gravity, do we really need it?“
I bought a CD entitled “Obnoxious and Loud Music” by a band called “The Deaf”. I was very disappointed with it, but I guess I should have known better.
I heard it said that, if you play a country & western record backwards the singer gets his wife, horse and dog back. I wanted to know if it was true, so I broke open my CD-player with a screw driver and spinned the CD backwards with my hand. I couldn’t make out any words though, so I still don’t know if it’s true.
I bought a dog, but I don’t know much about pets. I think I still have it in the car somewhere.
If I ever buy another dog, I’m going to tie it to my rocking chair, so I know where it is and just sit and study it to learn about pets.
I don’t know what to think of cats. Actually, I think they have this network and they’re following my every step. Watching me, you know. My doctor says I’m paranoid, but maybe he’s just covering for his cat. Maybe his cat has got something on him and is blackmailing him. Paranoid? I don’t think so catdoctor!
My uncle used to have this canary until one day it grabbed him and flew away with him. He came back two weeks later and acted as if nothing had happened. I guess he didn’t want to admit to my aunt that she’d been right all along. She always said that bird was dangerous.
I had ten goldfish but a cat ate them. That same cat got killed by the neighbour’s dog. Later the dog got run over by a fish delivery truck, so I guess there is justice after all.
I sometimes sleepwalk when I visit my parents, but it isn’t dangerous or anything. They live on the 21st floor and they usually remember to close most of the windows.
When I was ten I used to sleepjump. I still do that from time to time. I can’t help it. The bed breaks when I do that, but it only happens when I’m away on holiday.
My doctor said I slept too little. I said he slept too much. He said I had no way of knowing how much he slept. I said he had no way of knowing if space was really infinite. I had him!
I got stopped by the Highway Patrol the other day. They told me that I would kill someone one day the way I drove. I told them I only drove this way because I was holding a gun while at the same time trying to steer, and I could never dream of harming anyone.
I’m tired of getting stopped by the Highway Patrol for their petty little charges: “Why were you doing 150 mph?”, “What’s that body doing in the trunk?” blah, blah, blah.
If the Highway Patrol ever tries to stop me again I’m going to try to outrun them. Then they’ll have to chase me. That’ll teach them a lesson. After that, I’m sure we’ll all just laugh about it.
My neighbour came over the other day to complain that I had moved the fence two meters into his garden. I had to laugh. I explained to him that space was infinite and it would be a matter of definition where the fence was, because there’s no end and no beginning to the universe. I don’t blame him for being so fuzzy though. You can’t know everything.
If space is really infinite, then how come they make one-man tents so small?
What if we send a spaceship to Mars, only to find out that Mars is just a figment of man’s imagination? I think we should track down Freud’s grandchildren and force them to make the first trip. Just in case.
Did you ever look up at the sky at night...
Version 1 : Did you ever look up at the sky at night and ponder on the infinity of space? It’s a really funny feeling. Sometimes I just can’t stop laughing.
Version 2 : Did you ever look up at the sky at night and ponder on the infinity of space? It’s a really funny feeling. Sometimes I just can’t stop laughing and the neighbours start throwing things at me.
Version 3 : Did you ever look up at the sky at night and ponder on the infinity of space? It’s a really funny feeling. Sometimes I just can’t stop laughing and the neighbours start throwing things at me, but then I get mad at them and I shout back, that I can’t help if I’m deep.
My mother was strange. She would make these little Disney figures out of chocolate pudding and then tell us not to play with the food.
My mother was strange. Every day after I came home from school, she would come up to my room and ask me if I wanted a pet canary. I would go: “Yes, mom I would like to have a pet canary” and she would go: “You know your dad won’t allow pets and that’s the end of that!” Every day.
Don’t talk to me about living in denial. My dad was the worst shot. Every time he would go hunting he would accidentally shoot his own dog. This happened 8 times in a row and he still refused to admit he had a problem. He only stopped because finally an animal activist stole his shotgun.
I think the janitor in my parent’s high-rise lives for organized crime. No sorry, he lives for organizing dances for the elderly. I always get that mixed up.
People say I look down on them, but what do they know!
My neighbour calls me a self-righteous know-it-all, but I’m not bothered. I know what he really thinks.
You know, now that they found out that man was never actually on the moon, I think it’s about time we look at if airplanes can really fly. I, for one, don’t believe it.
Amnesia is such a funny word and I can’t even remember what it means.
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