Christian Jokes

A collection of Christian Jokes from around the net and Christian Jokes from my “Christian Jokes” books, I hope you find the Christian Jokes you are looking for.

A man went on a nature walk and a bear started to chase him so he climbed up a tree. As he was climbing he slipped down into the bear’s arms. He then prayed “Lord let this be a Christian bear”  The bear said “Lord, thank you for this food” 

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One Sunday afternoon in a Midwest City, a young child was misbehaving during the morning worship hour, the parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but it was a losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out,  just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, “Pray for me! Pray for me!”

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(Q) How do we know that they played cards in the ark?
(A) Because Noah sat on the deck !

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(Q) Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
(A) David because he rocked Goliath to sleep!

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(Q) What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
(A) Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury, David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land, and Honda because the apostles were all in one Accord.

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(Q) Who was the best financier in the Bible?
(A) Noah because he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation!

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(Q) Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
(A) Samson because he really brought the house down!

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(Q) Which bible character had no parents?
(A) Joshua, son of Nun!

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(Q) What do they call pastors in Germany?
(A) German Shepherds!

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(Q) What excuse did Adam give to his children for why he no longer lived in Eden?
(A) “Your mother ate us out of house and home”

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(Q) Why didn’t Noah go fishing while on the Ark?
(A) He only had 2 worms!

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A Minister’s prayer … “May the members of my congregation be as free with their money as they are with their advice and may their minds be open as their mouths!”

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A man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask him “God, what is a million years to you?” God replies “My son, a million years to you is like a second to me”  The man asks, “God, what is a million dollars to you?”  God replies “My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me, it means almost nothing to me”  The man asks “So God, can I have a million dollars?”  And God replies “In a second my son”

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A Christian should have only one spouse, this is called monotony.

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A man walking along a goa beach was deep in prayer when Suddenly the sky clouded over above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be so faithful to me in all ways I will grant you one wish my son” The man was amazed and said “I would like a bridge built to Mumbai so I can drive over anytime I want”

The Lord then replied “Your request is very materialistic my son, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required to reach the bottom is enormous! The concrete and steel it would take! it will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things such as this bridge, take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me”

The man thought about it for a while and finally said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife, I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy”

The Lord replied then replied, “would you like 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?”

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