Christmas jokes
A collection of Christmas jokes from around the net and Christmas jokes from my “Christmas jokes” books.
I hope you find the Christmas jokes you are looking for.
(Q) Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
(A) Its true, Comet cleans sinks!
Christmas jokes page
(Q) What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
(A) Claustrophobic.
Christmas jokes page
(Q) What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
(A) Claustrophobic!
Christmas jokes page
(Q) What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
(A) Snowflakes!
Christmas jokes page
(Q) Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?
(A) She said “I could not work out what size her nose was!
(Q) Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?
(A) Because every buck is dear to him!
(Q) What do you get if you cross Raquel Welch and Santa Claus?
(A) A thank you card from Santa!
(Q) Why does Santa wear pink underwear?
(A) He’s a man. He did all his laundry in the one load.
(Q) What nationality is Santa Claus?
(A) North Polish.
(Q) How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive” ?
(A) Yep, Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names!
(Q) Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
(A) You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!
(Q) What do you call Santa with
no money?
(A) St. Nickel-less
(Q) What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
(A) A puddle!
(Q) What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
(A) A Christmas Quacker!
(Q) What’s white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
(A) Santa Claus in an elevator!
(Q) What do snowmen do on Christmas?
(A) Play with the snow angels!
(Q) What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh?
(A) Santa caught in a revolving door!
(Q) What do you have in December that’s not in any other month?
(A) The letter D!
(Q) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
(A) Frostbite!
(Q) What’s a good holiday tip?
(A) Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter!
(Q) Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
(A) So he can ho-ho-ho!
(Q) Where do polar bears vote?
(A) The North Poll.
(Q) What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
(A) The Christmas alphabet has no L
(Q) What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?
(A) Silent Night!
(Q) What’s impossible to overtake at Christmas?
(A) The three wide men!
(Q) Why does Santa’s sled get such good mileage?
(A) Because it has long-distance runners on each side.
(Q) Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
(A) Because every buck is dear to him!
(Q) What’s the most popular wine at Christmas?
(A) I don’t like sprouts!
(Q) Why is it so cold on Christmas?
(A) Because it’s in Decembrrrrr!
(Q) Why is the month of December so popular?
(A) It has a lot of dates!
(Q) Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
(A) Because it soots him!
(Q) What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?
(A) A sad candy cane!
(Q) How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?
(A) “Fleece Avoided”
(Q) What do you call a Santa that sleeps all the time?
(A) Santa snores!
(Q) Why was Santa’s helper depressed?
(A) He had low ELF-esteem!
(Q) Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
(A) Because it’s to far to walk!
Christmas jokes page
(Q) What was wrong with the boy’s brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
(A) Forty feet of track all straight!
Christmas jokes page
(Q) What did Mary Poppins want from Santa?
(A) Supercalifragilisticexpialisnowshoes!
Christmas jokes page
(Q) What does Santa clean his sleigh with?
(A) Comet!
Three men die in an horrific car accident on Christmas Eve, they all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven, upon entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in, the second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in, the third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks the man, “How do these represent Christmas?” Where the man answers, “They’re Carol’s!”
Thank you for viewing Christmas jokes, do you have any Christmas jokes? feel free to include them on the Christmas jokes page on http://www.clean-jokes.net