Funny clean jokes
A collection of Funny clean jokes from around the net and Funny clean jokes from my “Funny clean jokes” books, I hope you find the Funny clean jokes you are looking for.
John was looking quite depressed. “What’s the matter?” his mate
asked.
“My wife and I got into a fight” explained John “she said she isn’t going to talking to me for a whole week.”
“But, isn’t it kind of a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked his mate.
“Yeah explained John, except today is the last night.”
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Two deaf blokes were talking with sign language on their coffee break about being out late the night before.
The first bloke said to his mate “My wife was asleep when I got home so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble”
The second deaf bloke signed back, “Boy you’re lucky, my wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late.”
The first deaf man asked, “So, what did you do?”
The second man replied, “I turned out the light.”
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Never under any circumstances, combine a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!
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One night at the dinner table, a wife commented, “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger, now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don’t love me any more” “rubbish, darling” replied the husband, “you just cook better now”
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A Mother had just finished waxing the floors when she heard her young son open the kitchen door to come in, she yelled “Be careful on that floor Johnny it’s just been waxed “Johnny walked right on in saying “It’s OK Mum, I’m wearing my cleats”
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Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones!
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“It’s too hot to wear clothes today” complained a man to his wife as he stepped out of the shower. “Hey darling, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?” she replied “Probably think that I married you for your money”
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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home, all the signs were there!
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What did the Zen Buddhist Monk say to the Hotdog Vender? “make me One with everything”
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A new high school student examines the food served to her in the cafeteria. “Do I have any choice here?” she asks a cafeteria lady, “Yes, you do actually,you can eat it or not eat it”
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A burglar found a prime neighborhood with nice houses and lots of older people who would be gone to Florida for the winter. He watches a particular house for several days before deciding that it would be safe to hit.
It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to steal.
“I see you and Jesus sees you,” a voice said.
The burglar froze dead in his tracks.
“I see you and Jesus sees you,” the voice said again.
When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shinned it in the direction of the voice and all he saw was a parrot on its perch.
“I see you and Jesus sees you.”
The burglar just laughed and said “Just a dumb bird”
The burglar closed the curtains before turning on a lamp and that’s when he saw a big and mean looking Rottweiler sitting beneath the parrot’s perch.
“Sic him, Jesus!” the parrot said!
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A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender “Give me twenty shots of your finest scotch, quickly” The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Wow, I never saw anybody drink that fast before.” The cowboy replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too if you had what I have.” The bartender says, “Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?” ”I have only fifty cents!”
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