Really funny jokes
A collection of Really funny jokes from around the net and Really funny jokes from my “Really funny jokes” books.
I hope you find the Really funny jokes you are looking for.
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems, they imported 50 Million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they’re going to drill for their own oil!
News report! The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya, they sent in 3 ships, 2 full of sand and one full of cement . . . . . . . it was a mortar attack!
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An assortment of high powered weapons and a stash of drugs including cocaine, heroin and ecstasy have been found behind the Job Centre in Redfern, The locals are said to be in a state of shock they had no idea they had a job center!
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Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back , his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees, apparently she’d stood him up!
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Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship… she replied “wear a seat belt and don’t p@@@ me off!”
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A man approaches a young woman in a shop and says “I cant find my wife, Can I talk to you for a few minutes?”
The woman says “Yeah no worries but do you have any idea where your wife is at all?”
The man replies “Not a clue” he says, “But whenever I talk to a woman as pretty as you she appears out of nowhere!”
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(Q) What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant?
(A) Lots of memory!
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(Q) What does a baby computer call his father?
(A) Data!
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(Q) Why was the computer cold?
(A) It left it’s Windows open!
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(Q) What is a computer’s first sign of old age?
(A) Loss of memory!
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A bloke walks into a barber shop to get a shave and while the barber is soaping him up he mentions that he has real problems getting a close shave around his cheeks.
“I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball out from a nearby drawer, “Just put this between your cheek and gum.” The barber says …
The bloke places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the bloke has ever had and after a few strokes the bloke asks in a garbled speech, “And what if I swallow it?”
“No worries” says the barber, “Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does”
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Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the classroom.
The teacher asks, “Why are you two arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a twenty dollar note and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys then gave the twenty dollars to the teacher.
A cat died and went to Heaven and God met him at the pearly gates and said, “You have been a really good cat all these years, anything you want just ask and it’s yours”
The cat sat thought about it for a minute and then said to God, “All my life I lived on a farm done it pretty tough and slept on hard wooden floors my whole life so I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on”
God said, “No worries say no more my friend” And instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow!
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together as a group. God met the mice at the pearly gates with the same offer that He made too the cat.
The mice all said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms and sticks! If we could just have some little roller skates that would be great! we would not have to run again.” God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat to see how he was doing, he found him sound asleep on his fluffy pillow, God gently woke the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy here?”
The cat replied, “Oh yes it is great no complaints at all, I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are absolutely delicious!”
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